This week’s Good News from the Resistance: The Good News has really piled up while we were on vacation. There’s much to catch up on, so take a deep breath, get yourself comfortable, and prepare to revel in the inaugural Good News of 2018.
First up, of course, is Fire and Fury, a skewering expose of our Dilettante-in-Chief’s journey to the White House, chock full of juicy behind-the-scenes tales. Our favorite tidbit: Bannon threw a Molotov cocktail at 45, using the adjective “treasonous” to describe a meeting between campaign operatives and the Russians. As a result, we’ve witnessed something as rare as 45’s spokesmodel Sarah Huckabee telling the truth: Fox News has exercised good judgment. The network won’t touch the suddenly toxic, unemployed Bannon.
We’d be remiss if we didn’t catch you up on the new and ongoing investigations and lawsuits. Mark your calendars for May 14, the date Mueller’s requesting Manafort’s trial. Adding to the former campaign chairman’s woes is a new lawsuit brought by a Russian billionaire, who claims Manafort bilked him out of $19 million. Now take a moment to say a prayer for the Arabs and Jews, because it looks like Jared may have to take time off from negotiating Middle East peace to defend his real estate company on yet more charges; the SEC has opened an investigation of his sketchy use of EB-5 visas, which he granted to wealthy Chinese (not people from sh**hole countries). Ca-ching, ca-ching, is there no end in sight for the First Family’s legal bills? Kushner is being sued by one of his multiple attorneys for not paying his bills, and while the American people continue to foot the bill for 45 to play golf at Mar-a-Lago, the good news is that the laziest president in history has started paying his Russian probe lawyers out of his own pocket.
Have no fear good news seekers, all will work out in the end. A prominent evangelist is calling for fasting and prayer to protect our God-fearing, law-abiding, deeply religious, racist president from harm. Future issues of Good News will report on how that’s working out. Yes, there’s even more Good News:
- Learn how to participate in this weekend’s Women Marches
- Cheer the judge who used 45’s tweets to uphold DACA
- Look forward to Blue Wave 2018
- Congratulate North Carolina on gerrymandering decision
- Renew your faith in humanity when you read this story about an Arkansas mosque
- Thank coastal states for resisting 45’s drilling plan
- Roll your eyes at 45’s reason for canceling London trip
- Wonder how the porn star story will play out
Sign Up. Show Up. Never Give Up.