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Good News January 15, 2018

This week’s Good News from the Resistance: The Good News has really piled up while we were on vacation. There’s much to catch up on, so take a deep breath, get yourself comfortable, and prepare to revel in the inaugural Good News of 2018.

First up, of course, is Fire and Fury, a skewering expose of our Dilettante-in-Chief’s journey to the White House, chock full of juicy behind-the-scenes tales. Our favorite tidbit: Bannon threw a Molotov cocktail at 45, using the adjective “treasonous” to describe a meeting between campaign operatives and the Russians.  As a result, we’ve witnessed something as rare as 45’s spokesmodel Sarah Huckabee telling the truth: Fox News has exercised good judgment. The network won’t touch the suddenly toxic, unemployed Bannon.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t catch you up on the new and ongoing investigations and lawsuits. Mark your calendars for May 14, the date Mueller’s requesting Manafort’s trial.  Adding to the former campaign chairman’s woes is a new lawsuit brought by a Russian billionaire, who claims Manafort bilked him out of $19 million. Now take a moment to say a prayer for the Arabs and Jews, because it looks like Jared may have to take time off from negotiating Middle East peace to defend his real estate company on yet more charges; the SEC has opened an investigation of his sketchy use of EB-5 visas, which he granted to wealthy Chinese (not people from sh**hole countries). Ca-ching, ca-ching, is there no end in sight for the First Family’s legal bills? Kushner is being sued by one of his multiple attorneys for not paying his bills, and while the American people continue to foot the bill for 45 to play golf at Mar-a-Lago, the good news is that the laziest president in history has started paying his Russian probe lawyers out of his own pocket.

Have no fear good news seekers, all will work out in the end. A prominent evangelist is calling for fasting and prayer to protect our God-fearing, law-abiding, deeply religious, racist president from harm.  Future issues of Good News will report on how that’s working out.  Yes, there’s even more Good News:

WE MARCHING IN THE STREETS

It’s been a year since millions of global citizens took to the streets to protest 45’s inauguration. Women’s March organizers are doing it again – this weekend. There’s a rally in Las Vegas with a star-studded cast of Resisters, where they’ll kick off Power to the Polls, a yearlong voter registration effort. Find a march near you, make a sign, put on a hat, get out there and let 45 know what you think of him!

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WE 45 UNDERMINING HIMSELF

The majority of Americans want the Dreamers to stay. 45 wants DACA, the program that allows them to stay in the U.S.,  phased out. His  tweets — which reveal the conniving reason he wants to end the program — helped a judge decide to keep DACA on the books. For now.

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WE THE IDEA OF A BLUE WAVE TURNING INTO A FLOOD

Large majorities of Americans are opposed to a host of the GOP’s policy positions, on immigration, the border wall, marijuana, and the recently passed tax bill. This bodes very well for the Democrats.

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WE N.C. BEING FORCED TO REDRAW THE VOTING MAP: IMMEDIATELY

A panel of judges ruled that N.C.’s voting districts are “unconstitutional partisan gerrymanders,” and must be redrawn before the next election. Lawmakers have until January 29 to comply with the judges’ orders.

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WE THIS STORY OF FORGIVENESS

An Arkansas man helped vandalize a mosque. He got caught and was going to jail. And then he was set free.

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WE KEEPING OUR OCEANS AND BEACHES OIL-FREE

Last week 45’s administration proposed the most aggressive U.S. offshore oil and gas drilling plan since the Reagan Administration. Florida was given an exemption. Other coastal states, many ruled by the GOP, stepped up and said not in our backyard. Doesn’t look like drilling is going to happen anytime soon.

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WE LONDON RESISTERS 

For months the citizens of London have been threatening huuuuge protests if 45 dared to step foot on their island. Last week he finally got the message and canceled his trip to the see the new American Embassy. Why’d he cancel? Obama’s fault, of course.

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WE PORN STAR “STORMY DANIELS” FOR DEMANDING $130K TO HUSH

“I ended up with Donald in his hotel room. Picture him chasing me around his hotel room in his tighty-whities.” Ewwwwweeee……

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