Good News from the Resistance: Good riddance 2018, and Hello 2019, the year our Hopes & Dreams will come true. This year, it seems as if the most popular Christmas gift among D.C.’s ruling class was a crystal ball: There are more end-of-year 2019 predictions than there are Democrats considering a presidential run. The way we see it, there’s no upside to predicting anything about our Psychopath-in-Chief’s behavior, the downside being, of course, we will be proven wrong — as were a gaggle of overconfident pundits last year.
And yet. We may not have predictions, be we do have Hopes & Dreams. Our favorite list for 2019 predicts both Good News and Bad. Our 2019 Hopes & Dreams list contains Good News only. It’s best to read it much the same way you’d watch the heist caper Ocean’s 8 (Sandra Bullock! Cate Blanchett! Rihanna! Mindy Kaling!) — with a bowl of popcorn, a hefty glass of wine, and a sprinkle of suspended disbelief. Here’s to 2019!
Good News from the Resistance Hopes & Dreams for 2019
- When Melania and Barron fail to return from a trip to London, and Trump learns they’ve been granted asylum at the Ecuadorian Embassy, he flees to Russia.
- Putin sends him back.
- Mueller issues his Final Report via Twitter.
- A grand jury indicts Trump.
- He is convicted and sent to jail.
- The world tunes in to watch Trump’s handcuffed perp walk.
- As he is being fitted for a jumpsuit, a second grand jury indicts Pence.
- When Pence’s Rapture Exit Strategy fails, he resigns.
- President Nancy Pelosi becomes #46.
- She chooses Hillary as her v.p.
Finally, in the spirit of year-end lists, here’s 2018’s Top 10 Most Clicked Good News from the Resistance Stories (see how many you remember):
- #10 Best stocking stuffer ever
- # 9 Teenager slams GOP Governor at Town Hall
- # 8 Leaked GOP Midterm Anxiety spreadsheet
- # 7 Rihanna says no to Super Bowl
- # 6 Stormy donates $130K to Planned Parenthood
- # 5 Obama’s campaign plans for Midterms
- # 4 Newt says Trump shouldn’t pardon himself
- # 3 What to do when kicked out of a restaurant for wearing F*CK Trump shirt
- # 2 James Cordon’s Gospel Indictment song
- # 1 Sessions Out, Weed Stock Up!
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