Good News from the Resistance: Pelosi continues to resist the “I”-word, yet last week she uttered the “P”-word. Which got us dreaming about a Future-Convict-in-Chief, and wondering what’s up with his incarcerated former BFFs: Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort. How are those good ‘ole Swamp Dwellers doing?
Attorney Michael Cohen is having the time of his life in “one of the cushiest lock-ups in the country,” where inmates are treating him like a celebrity, pumping him for details about his former boss and his intimate knowledge of porn stars. The Orange Grifter’s campaign manager, Paul Manafort? Not so lucky. He’s being transferred to Rikers – a prison infamous for violence and inmate abuse. At least he’ll have a private room, which should give the ostrich jacket-wearing dandy plenty of time to pump out a memoir. Suggested working title? My Personal Journey From Trump Tower to Rikers.
Meanwhile, the Grifter-in-Chief continues to live it up, checking off items on his Vacation Bucket List. Although, last week’s trip wasn’t quite as bodacious as he’d hoped. Hats off to the Brits! The Carnival of Resistance began before our National Embarrassment even touched ground. As Air Force One was landing, it was hard for the tiny-handed, stubby-fingered leader of the Free World to miss the giant penis and message “Climate Change is Real” mowed into a field below his plane. Talk about creativity.
From the 16-ft. tall farting presidential robot, to Larry the Downing Street Cat, the Resistance was out in full-force, with posters so good they put Americans’ to shame. Tensions rose when a knife-wielding Trump supporter yelled, “I’m going in!” and slashed the resting Baby Trump Blimp, but it was nothing a little duct tape couldn’t fix, and all ended well when the blimp took flight over Parliament, and the amateur surgeon was arrested.
While the Divider-in-Chief is trying his best to break the U.S. government, in London he was pure uniter, doing what no British politician has been able to do: bring together conservatives, liberals, and royals . Everyone snubbed him. Conservative Boris Johnson and opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn both refused a meeting; Princes Harry and William refused him photo-ops; Nasty Meghan remained indisposed. And oh, what we would have given to be a fly on the wall when the Infant-in-Chief learned that his carriage ride with the Queen had been nixed because of the protesters. Hint to Melania: When you get back to NYC, put on a gown and a crown, squeeze your husband into a tux, and take a carriage ride around Central Park.
Yes, there’s even more Good News from the Resistance:
- Grin when you learn where the GOP official who called Michelle an “ape in heels” is now
- Say “good boy!” when you meet the mayor of Idyllwild, CA
- Know that young people outvoted their elders in the 2018 midterms
- Smile when you learn how these children pay for school
- Clap for this Big Resistance Win in Texas
- Sing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” when you read this poll
- Look forward to the Obamas on Spotify
- Be awed by this blind child prodigy playing Rocket Man
- Take Action: Make a call to stop the Deportation Machine
Sign Up. Show Up. Never Give Up.
WE SWEET JUSTICE
Such a lovely woman.
WE THIS CANINE MAYOR
And you will, too.
WE YOUNG VOTERS
Frankly, we were shocked to learn this. Shocked in a good way, that is.
WE CREATIVE PAYMENT PLANS
There’s too much plastic waste and not enough money for school. Someone figured out how to put the two together, for good.
WE GIVING THE TEXAS BOOT TO BAD GUYS
Don’t mess with Texas Resisters.
WE THE OBAMAS
And we love knowing that they will remain in our lives.
WE ADORABLE KIDS
When they are musical prodigies, that’s just icing on the cake.
WE TAKING ACTION: Make a call to stop funding deportations