Rikers, the Blimp and the Queen

Good News from the Resistance:  Pelosi continues to resist the  “I”-word, yet last week she uttered the “P”-word. Which got us dreaming about a Future-Convict-in-Chief, and wondering what’s up with his incarcerated former BFFs: Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort. How are those good ‘ole Swamp Dwellers doing?

Attorney Michael Cohen is having the time of his life in “one of the cushiest lock-ups in the country,” where inmates are treating him like a celebrity, pumping him for details about his former boss and his intimate knowledge of porn stars. The Orange Grifter’s campaign manager, Paul Manafort? Not so lucky. He’s being transferred to Rikers – a prison infamous for violence and inmate abuse. At least he’ll have a private room, which should give the ostrich jacket-wearing dandy plenty of time to pump out a memoir. Suggested working title? My Personal Journey From Trump Tower to Rikers.

Meanwhile, the Grifter-in-Chief continues to live it up, checking off items on his Vacation Bucket List. Although, last week’s trip wasn’t quite as bodacious as he’d hoped. Hats off to the Brits! The Carnival of Resistance began before our National Embarrassment even touched ground. As Air Force One was landing, it was hard for the tiny-handed, stubby-fingered leader of the Free World to miss the giant penis and message “Climate Change is Real” mowed into a field below his plane. Talk about creativity.

From the 16-ft. tall farting presidential robot, to Larry the Downing Street Cat, the Resistance was out in full-force, with posters so good they put Americans’ to shame. Tensions rose when a knife-wielding Trump supporter yelled, “I’m going in!” and slashed the resting Baby Trump Blimp, but it was nothing a little duct tape couldn’t fix, and all ended well when the blimp took flight over Parliament, and the amateur surgeon was arrested.

While the Divider-in-Chief is trying his best to break the U.S. government, in London he was pure uniter, doing what no British politician has been able to do: bring together conservatives, liberals, and royals . Everyone snubbed him. Conservative Boris Johnson and opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn both refused a meeting; Princes Harry and William refused him photo-ops; Nasty Meghan remained indisposed. And oh, what we would have given to be a fly on the wall when the Infant-in-Chief learned that his carriage ride with the Queen had been nixed because of the protesters. Hint to Melania: When you get back to NYC, put on a gown and a crown, squeeze your husband into a tux, and take a carriage ride around Central Park.

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